Duo's Best Man Speech
by The Late BenneyC
Summary: Duo gives a speech a Relina and Heero's wedding. Then mad stuff happens and the use of alcohol is abused. And here's my annoying warning: STRAIGHT FIC!! If you do not the idea of boy/girl relationships do not read this. It features no yaoi or yuri in it.


Author's note: My first Gundam fanfic. What joy. What rapture. Oh well, moving on...... This is at Heero and Relina's wedding with Duo as the best man. But then, some idiot got the idea to have more people give speeches. This story was co-authored by JimBo*480* via the phone me typing. Oh yes, I must mention this goes into the time known as 'paint fumes' If this makes NO sense to you. Don't worry.  
  
  
  
  
Duo pulled on his suit jacket and grumbled. He looked up at the church and sighed. Why did he say he would be the best man? He hated wearing suits! He looked around and entered the building. He heard a few familiar voices behind him and looked back.  
  
Quatre wiped a tear from his eye, "I promised myself I wouldn't cry.."  
  
Dorothy glared and slapped him on the head, "Will you stop that! You're always whining. It easier from the time your father died or that time you nearly killed Trowa. You are a wimp!"  
  
"That's the one that tried to kill him, right?" Wu Fei asked Trowa. They had just entered and noticed the 'happy' couple.  
  
"Yeah."  
  
Dorothy turned and smiled evilly, " At least I don't have a justice complex," she then turned to Trowa, "And I'm not dating someone that pretended to be my sister."  
  
"Ouch," Duo commented. He left the four to argue and continued down the isle. A few people had already come in and were sitting. Looking very bored. Duo walked over to a door near the back of the church and poked his head through. he looked down the hallway, "Which room.. which room?" He saw the correct number and entered.  
  
"Who?" Heero slowly turned to see Duo's face lit up with a huge grin, "What?"  
  
"The... the.." Duo tried to breath through his laughter, "tux! re... Relina's... idea?"  
  
Heero looked down at the extremely blue suit and nodded, "She also got one for the best man."  
  
Duo's grin was wiped from his face in a flash, "But I hate that tux."  
  
"Well if I'm going to suffer, so are you."  
  
Well to make a long fic slightly shorter Duo was forced into the suit and the guests came and they had a nice wedding. Quatre cried, Dorothy hit him, Trowa didn't look at Catherine the whole time, she hated Dorothy, Wu Fei cursed something awful, and all had a great time! Now for me to ruin that.....  
  
Heero looked around at the group of people at the table. He knew, maybe a fifth of them. most of the guests were relations to Relina, not himself. The few he did know seemed very uncomfortable. He saw Duo coming over to his table from a group of other friends.   
  
"Time for my speech," Duo told him.  
  
As Duo walked off, Heero heard the voice of his wife beside him, "On no. Why does he have to make a speech?"  
  
"Because he's the best man."  
  
"Why couldn't you have picked Quatre, or Trowa? I mean Duo?!" Relina cried out.  
  
"Calm down. People are staring. But I'm sure Duo's speech won't be that bad," Heero said is his usual monotone voice.  
  
"All I have to say is get me some wine," Relina grumbled.  
  
Duo smiled as he stood and looked around at the gathered group of people. Who were they? The only people he knew were the people at his table, Trowa, Catherine, Quatre, Dorothy, Wu Fei, and Noin, and the happy couple and Relina's brother. Well, he thought, here goes nothing...  
  
"Hello. I guess it's time for my speech...." Duo began.  
  
"Waiter, something stronger," Relina whispered.  
  
"Well I remember the first time I met those two crazy kids. We were on a naval base dock and Heero tried to shoot Relina. I saved her life by shooting him. From that moment on, I knew they were destined for each other. and then their love blossomed everytime he pointed a gun at her. I'm sure she knew that was his way of saying "I love you." Because that's how their relationship works. An understanding on a whole new level. An example is that crossed eyed teddy bear he gave her a few years later. It was ugly, but she loved it just because Heero gave it to her. I'm rambling now, so I think I better end my speech."  
  
There was a long pause after Duo finished. Followed by a few claps and a lot of people shifting nervously in their seats.  
  
"Oh yeah," Duo said, "Cheers." he raised his wine glass and gulped it down.  
  
"This isn't working," Relina told Heero, "I can still understand him. Waiter! Vodka. And leave the bottle."  
  
"We have a nice surprise for the wedding couple," Duo said, still standing, "Their old friends will be giving speeches. Starting with Dorothy."  
  
The girl stood as Duo took his seat. She smiled her usual evil maniacal grin, "I too remember when I first met Miss Relina. I was attending her school when she was a Queen. I was sent there to kill her. But then I came to respect her and now I only want to strangle her," at this, Dorothy pulled a knife and lunged at Relina. However she missed and hit the wall behind her. And screamed in a drunken rage.  
  
Relina stood and smiled at everyone as her body guard carried Dorothy away, "She's had too much to drink," Relina sat and glared at Heero, "This is all your fault."  
  
Heero started to mumble an apology when Dorothy stuck her head back in, "Cheers!" Glass were raised, Relina with a full glass, and drank.  
  
"Now who?"  
  
"I'll go," Trowa's soft voice spoke out.  
  
"Oh. My God." Relina started, "No. No. Not now. Get your gun, Heero, kill him, please, before he talks."  
  
"I'm sorry. I left it at the house."  
  
Trowa stood and looked at the very uncomfortable crowd. He noticed Relina babbling something to Heero. Heero just replied calmly. I better make this short, he thought, I know, "Cheers!" Trowa raised his glass, and drank. The response was a lot of 'amen' and 'yes' from the crowd as the filled their glasses yet again and drank deeply.  
  
"Well, that was so bad," Heero commented, "What did you...." Heero came face to face with the bottom of Relina's glass. Relina goofily smiles and then set her glass down and glomped onto Heero. Heero just nodded and put his hands around her.  
  
Noin staggered up and swayed back and forth. Apparently her resistance to alcohol was almost as bad as Relina's.  
  
"Ya know what? I'm hurt, Relina chose Dorothy as the Maid of Honor, Dorothy. The scary eyebrow girl. I mean she made an attempt on Relina's life. Me? I helped her run a country. And what do get? Nothin'. That's gratitude for ya," Noin suddenly fell into her seat and passed out.  
  
"I'm regretting making this idea," Duo told Quatre, "Mine was actually the best speech. That scares me."  
  
"I liked Trowa's," Quatre told him with a slightly slurred voice.  
  
Duo looked over at where Heero was suppose to be sitting but only found what looked kind of like Heero. But with Relina attached to his face.  
  
"Umm... Wu man, you go," Duo told the other dude.  
  
(Apparently I'm as drunk as they are. Without consuming any alcohol. This is called 'naturally high' See what terror it causes.)  
  
Wu ma... I mean Wu Fei got up and looked at the semi sober crowd. Semi meaning only half of them were paying attention, or had the ability to pay attention.  
  
"On behalf of Noin, Cheers," glasses were thrown aside as people picked bottles and drank. " Now for my speech. For it was an inJUSTICE that I had to go next to last. For inJUSTICEs are committed all the time by these weaklings. Heero, he had JUSTICE before the ball and chains came. Just look at them. It's an inJUSTICE!! I demand JUSTICE! inJUSTICE! Cheers!" Wu Fei angrily sat down.  
  
"Now we know what Wu Fei is like drunk," Duo told Trowa, "A bumbling idiot."  
  
Quatre stood up unstable and looked around at the walls, as those he were trying to make them come into focus. He then gained his composure. He then squinted at Heero and Relina, "Aren't they supposed to wait until the honeymoon for that? Oh well. In honor of the new couple let us raise our bottles and give the greatest gulp yet in the name of Heero and Relina's happiness. Cheers!!!" Quatre took a swig and stumbled into his seat. Or, Duo's seat as the case ended.  
  
"Get off me," Duo shoved Quatre into the floor and he soundly fell asleep.  
  
"Hey, that's a good idea," Duo said as everyone passes out.  
  
  
  
  
DON'T FLAME! Okay, flame, but make it count! This was stupid but hey, I'm so high off naturally adrenaline I can't tell the difference. Have a nice day.  
  



End file.
